Once upon a time there was a curious young girl who went to her grand mother and this is the story she told her.
“Grandma what was it like when you were young? What were the people like, Grandma?” The girl asked pushing her grandmother to shake her. “Tell me, tell me.”
“Okay, okay, sweetheart, what do you want to know?”
“What did you use to do?”
“Well I was a busy child. Always practicing my music or taking dance lessons.”
“You played music?”
“Well, yes at one time I did.”
“Well when G-Ma, when?”
“Well, when I was a little girl I took piano lessons.”
“You did? But G-Ma I’ve never seen you play. You don’t even have a piano.”
“Yes, sweetheart I know but from around the age of two my mother got a teacher to give me piano and dancing lessons.”
“She did?”
“Yes.”
“So, what happened?”
“Well, I still dance and workout but for the piano well...For years I took lessons and would practice and practice. I was in recitals but my family never thought I played well enough. No matter how hard I tried they would always tell me to try harder and I would but after a while I began believing them.”
“What, that you couldn’t play?”
“Yes, and my heart just wasn’t in it. I could read music very well and with time I could pick through and eventually play the songs put before me but I didn’t have a natural ear for music. After a while I thought something was wrong with me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just that because I didn’t have a natural ear for music I thought that I could never be good at it. Plus, I would listen to music on the radio that I liked and longed to play, but when I went to take my lessons the teacher would make me play different music that I didn't like as much. Eventually, my heart just wasn’t in it anymore and I began to lose interest.
“Then suddenly my biggest supporter took ill and eventually died.”
“Who was that?”
“My mother.”
“Oh, I’m sorry G-Ma.”
“I know sweetie but that’s life. When my mother got sick and died I was only 15 years old. She sent me to live with relatives. Living with them there was no music lessons anymore, but they did have a piano.
“When I think about that now, I know that it was a miracle that they had a piano.”
“Why?”
“Because when I would get lonely or feel lost I would go over to it and sit down and play. I didn’t have any music to rely on and could only play from memory which wasn’t much, so I started making songs up. The songs that I made up were at the end of the piano. There, everything sounded great that I played. Everything down at the end, gave me peace. But I guess I was afraid of it because I felt funny doing it. I had no confidence and there was no one to encourage me. At the same time I felt bad ignoring the piano because it was right there, so when no one was around I’d play on it and make up songs, but only some of the time.”
“You did G-Ma?”
“Yes, it was like a little light came on for me but I was afraid of it. It was new and I was new to it. The people around me weren’t really good and they smoked and used drugs, so they couldn't support me.
“Those few moments when I’d sit at that piano, I’d feel empowered and I was empowering myself but I didn’t think it was enough. Then foolishly, I stopped!”
“You did?”
“Yes, I quit. I became just like the people I was around and all my hopes and dreams with the piano ended and I didn't think about playing anymore until one day not to long ago. I was praying and I had turned to one of the music channels on the T.V. and all the songs that were playing, were at that same end of the piano. They were by several pianists and that's when I realized my sounds sounded good. Yes, they were playing at the end of the piano just like I had.
That’s when I realized I was right at my dream and didn't know it. Right there if I had kept going I would have been able to realize my dream. Realize my ability to make sense on an instrument that was the most difficult thing I had ever had to accomplish.
Tears ran down the woman’s face as her grand daughter looked on and said, “Don’t cry G-Ma! Don’t cry! Why are you crying?”
“Because I gave up right when I was about to win and didn’t know it! Promise me child that you will never give up the way that I did, never.”
“I will G-Ma if you promise me the same.”
The woman stopped crying and looked at the young girl curiously and said, “What can I promise you child?”
“That you won’t give up. Even now, it’s not too late. You’re still alive, and I bet you can still play if you try.”
“But child, it’s been years.”
“Yes, it’s been years but I bet you can still do it if you try. Isn’t that what you always tell me, to try?”
“Yes, sweetheart. You’re right, I will try. Maybe it isn’t too late.”
Monday, January 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
HIV/AIDS BLACK WOMEN and MEDIA HYPE
Today’s message is based on the Holy Bible Scripture, Hosea 4:6 My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. I was doing some research for a book and had to go and find the statistics on HIV/AIDS and that’s when I learned that most people in the U.S. with the disease, are men and not women like I thought.
So then, I had to ask myself why I thought it was women. The only answer I could come up with was the fact that I have been bombarded with this from all the media hype. In all fairness to them, I don't remember exactly what they put out on the airwaves. What I do remember was something to the affect that there are more African American women with HIV/AIDS than any other group. That is not true and it gives the wrong impression.
Here’s the breakdown from the most recent CDC statistics I found at:
www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/resources/reports/2005report/pdf/2005SurveillanceReport.pdf
*74% of all newly diagnosed cases of HIV/AIDS are MEN
*26% are WOMEN
*Of that 26%, 64% are African American women.
Now, please keep in mind the following:
*While my research is from the CDC I discovered that people were saying the data is flawed for various reasons. However, it was the best reliable information I could find and I chose to use it although I caught two slight variations in the data. One said that the most recent data is up until 2005, and another said 2006. I didn’t have time to figure it out because that was not my purpose.
So, do your own resesarch!
My purpose was to ask the question, if women looked at HIV/AIDS from the point of view that most people who had the disease were men, instead of women, would that have changed how they picked their sex partners, and ultimately how they protected themselves?
The other flaw in the data was that one report said 73% verses another that said 74%. For me and my quest, those were not significant enough differences for me to scrap the information.
Now, back to the statistics and why I looked at them at all:
*80% of all newly diagnosed cases of HIV/AIDS in American came from heterosexual contact.
Yes, men and women having sex.
One of my friends says it can’t be any other way and I agree. It’s just sad for me to think that there may have been a slight possibility if all the facts had been stated, or at least if the most prevalent facts had been stated, things could have been different for black women who caught the disease through heterosexual contact.
After all, you have what you say, and if what you hear affects what you think, and ultimately what you say, well... Would this disease have grown in our community if the media focus had been on men instead of women? Would more women have protected themselves? And why has this turned from a white male gay disease to a black woman disease?
UPDATE: When my FB pal pointed this out I really didn't get it until a couple of days ago, so you know who you are and thanks!!! They said that the stats say what the people taking them want them to say so that they are kept in the most perfect light.
With that under consideration, I looked closer at what they told us and dug a little deeper. I found that although white women only made up about 19% of women with HIV/AIDS it may be because they are getting tested by their private physicians, who in most states do not have to report positive findings to the CDC. Those, (mostly African American) women who are tested at clinics and through facilities that are geared toward people getting tested efficiently, are the ones counted in these statistics, therefore they dominate the results.
So, watch to see how the 2010 results dramatically change the numbers when men and women are close to equal in the amount of diagnosed cases reported, as I mentioned before, due to heterosexual contact. It can't be any other way. Nor, can white women not be a larger part of these numbers. I'm not sure if the percentage of white women vs. black women numbers will change in the stats because of the way they are counted, but now we know the truth about that, don't we.
So then, I had to ask myself why I thought it was women. The only answer I could come up with was the fact that I have been bombarded with this from all the media hype. In all fairness to them, I don't remember exactly what they put out on the airwaves. What I do remember was something to the affect that there are more African American women with HIV/AIDS than any other group. That is not true and it gives the wrong impression.
Here’s the breakdown from the most recent CDC statistics I found at:
www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/resources/reports/2005report/pdf/2005SurveillanceReport.pdf
*74% of all newly diagnosed cases of HIV/AIDS are MEN
*26% are WOMEN
*Of that 26%, 64% are African American women.
Now, please keep in mind the following:
*While my research is from the CDC I discovered that people were saying the data is flawed for various reasons. However, it was the best reliable information I could find and I chose to use it although I caught two slight variations in the data. One said that the most recent data is up until 2005, and another said 2006. I didn’t have time to figure it out because that was not my purpose.
So, do your own resesarch!
My purpose was to ask the question, if women looked at HIV/AIDS from the point of view that most people who had the disease were men, instead of women, would that have changed how they picked their sex partners, and ultimately how they protected themselves?
The other flaw in the data was that one report said 73% verses another that said 74%. For me and my quest, those were not significant enough differences for me to scrap the information.
Now, back to the statistics and why I looked at them at all:
*80% of all newly diagnosed cases of HIV/AIDS in American came from heterosexual contact.
Yes, men and women having sex.
One of my friends says it can’t be any other way and I agree. It’s just sad for me to think that there may have been a slight possibility if all the facts had been stated, or at least if the most prevalent facts had been stated, things could have been different for black women who caught the disease through heterosexual contact.
After all, you have what you say, and if what you hear affects what you think, and ultimately what you say, well... Would this disease have grown in our community if the media focus had been on men instead of women? Would more women have protected themselves? And why has this turned from a white male gay disease to a black woman disease?
UPDATE: When my FB pal pointed this out I really didn't get it until a couple of days ago, so you know who you are and thanks!!! They said that the stats say what the people taking them want them to say so that they are kept in the most perfect light.
With that under consideration, I looked closer at what they told us and dug a little deeper. I found that although white women only made up about 19% of women with HIV/AIDS it may be because they are getting tested by their private physicians, who in most states do not have to report positive findings to the CDC. Those, (mostly African American) women who are tested at clinics and through facilities that are geared toward people getting tested efficiently, are the ones counted in these statistics, therefore they dominate the results.
So, watch to see how the 2010 results dramatically change the numbers when men and women are close to equal in the amount of diagnosed cases reported, as I mentioned before, due to heterosexual contact. It can't be any other way. Nor, can white women not be a larger part of these numbers. I'm not sure if the percentage of white women vs. black women numbers will change in the stats because of the way they are counted, but now we know the truth about that, don't we.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
FEATURED GUEST NIQUE STANHOPE
Today I want to talk to you about being fruitful. The Holy Bible Scripture of Matthew 7:16 & 17 says “…Ye shall know them by their fruits.” Here Matthew was really talking about knowing people of God, i.e. pastors but this scripture can be applied to anyone. In the next verse it says “… Even so every good tree brings forth good fruit.”
What this means to me is that whatever you do in life, it should be fruitful. If you are following the Holy Spirit, then you are guaranteed a fruitful life because God created you and He knows what He created you to do. We see that in the Holy Scripture Jeremiah 1:5 where it says “…Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee.” If you consult Him about your purpose you will be fruitful if you pursue it. This sounds easy, but most people get distracted, I know I have. Additionally, people are not always aware that they should consult with God and the Holy Spirit about what they should do with their lives. Therefore they end up doing things that they think will make them successful, only to find that they don’t. We learn this from the Holy Scripture, Proverbs 16:25 where it says “...there is a way that seems right to a man but the end thereof are the ways of death.
I’m guilty of this myself. Recently I announced to friends that I wanted to pursue my Ph.D. I have three friends who are presently doctors, two in education and one in theology. They influenced me to get my doctorate just by being successful with theirs, smile. However, I did not consult with God before I expressed my feelings.
It all sounded so good. It looked great too and it was almost hard for me to believe that it wasn’t the plan for me. I always look for things that will make me more successful. Oh, but God has a different plan for me and I realized it when I prayed about this. I quickly got an answer reminding me that I was told what to do for success and I realize that if I do what God has planned for me I can be successful with a lot less aggravation. So no, I won’t be pursuing my doctorate, smile.
I have chosen my next guest because her fruit is plentiful. She has accomplished so much and has obviously followed her passion. It is obvious that she is in touch with what God had planned for her life because it is fruitful.
Her name is Nique Stanhope. Ms. Stanhope wrote her first novel, Night to Remember, while she was still a senior at The University of Southern California (USC). During those years, she was highly focused on building the right academic foundation so that she might go on to work in the field of research medicine. She majored in Chemistry at USC and later went on to get a graduate degree in the field of Biomedical Sciences. During college, Ms. Stanhope had a very dear relative who passed away from terminal cancer. From that experience she decided to commit to the field of cancer research and today, she is one of the scientists ‘working for the cure.’
Ms. Stanhope has written over fourteen novels thus far, and has been featured in many online, as well as, hardcopy magazines. Most recently, her novel, She’s Gotta Have It, was featured as The Red Hot Read, in Cosmopolitan magazine.
One of her most beloved series so far is The Champagne Series. Readers around the world have fallen in love with this family of gorgeous men and the books in this series include:
Made For Each Other – Book #1
Wedding Bells (Champagne Wishes novella) – Book #2
Sweet Temptation – Book #3
She’s Gotta Have It – Book #4
Sex and The Single Diva – Book #5
Won’t you agree with me that Ms. Stanhope is fruitful in her careers both as a scientist and an author? I am very honored to present her to you to encourage you to find your life’s passion/s. Please visit her website www.nique-stanhope.com, and read her books.
Note: this information was taken in part from www.nique-stanhope.com
What this means to me is that whatever you do in life, it should be fruitful. If you are following the Holy Spirit, then you are guaranteed a fruitful life because God created you and He knows what He created you to do. We see that in the Holy Scripture Jeremiah 1:5 where it says “…Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee.” If you consult Him about your purpose you will be fruitful if you pursue it. This sounds easy, but most people get distracted, I know I have. Additionally, people are not always aware that they should consult with God and the Holy Spirit about what they should do with their lives. Therefore they end up doing things that they think will make them successful, only to find that they don’t. We learn this from the Holy Scripture, Proverbs 16:25 where it says “...there is a way that seems right to a man but the end thereof are the ways of death.
I’m guilty of this myself. Recently I announced to friends that I wanted to pursue my Ph.D. I have three friends who are presently doctors, two in education and one in theology. They influenced me to get my doctorate just by being successful with theirs, smile. However, I did not consult with God before I expressed my feelings.
It all sounded so good. It looked great too and it was almost hard for me to believe that it wasn’t the plan for me. I always look for things that will make me more successful. Oh, but God has a different plan for me and I realized it when I prayed about this. I quickly got an answer reminding me that I was told what to do for success and I realize that if I do what God has planned for me I can be successful with a lot less aggravation. So no, I won’t be pursuing my doctorate, smile.
I have chosen my next guest because her fruit is plentiful. She has accomplished so much and has obviously followed her passion. It is obvious that she is in touch with what God had planned for her life because it is fruitful.
Her name is Nique Stanhope. Ms. Stanhope wrote her first novel, Night to Remember, while she was still a senior at The University of Southern California (USC). During those years, she was highly focused on building the right academic foundation so that she might go on to work in the field of research medicine. She majored in Chemistry at USC and later went on to get a graduate degree in the field of Biomedical Sciences. During college, Ms. Stanhope had a very dear relative who passed away from terminal cancer. From that experience she decided to commit to the field of cancer research and today, she is one of the scientists ‘working for the cure.’
Ms. Stanhope has written over fourteen novels thus far, and has been featured in many online, as well as, hardcopy magazines. Most recently, her novel, She’s Gotta Have It, was featured as The Red Hot Read, in Cosmopolitan magazine.
One of her most beloved series so far is The Champagne Series. Readers around the world have fallen in love with this family of gorgeous men and the books in this series include:
Made For Each Other – Book #1
Wedding Bells (Champagne Wishes novella) – Book #2
Sweet Temptation – Book #3
She’s Gotta Have It – Book #4
Sex and The Single Diva – Book #5
Won’t you agree with me that Ms. Stanhope is fruitful in her careers both as a scientist and an author? I am very honored to present her to you to encourage you to find your life’s passion/s. Please visit her website www.nique-stanhope.com, and read her books.
Note: this information was taken in part from www.nique-stanhope.com
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD PT. 2
Okay, here I am back again this week to continue my essay about LRRH and going to war. Let’s begin by looking at where my reference to tribulation comes from. It’s found in the Holy Scripture, John 16:33 “These things I have spoken unto you that in Me you might have peace. In the world you shall have tribulation but be of good cheer. I have overcome the world.
When you have peace you have confidence, but you may have to fight for your peace as I said in my previous post. It’s not going to be a physical fight, but a mental and spiritual one. So, if you have to go to war, you need to know how beforehand, so that you're prepared. You want to be i the best possible place, spiritually, mentally, and physically. This way you can outlast your opponent.
To begin your preparation you want to first be aware of what might happen. That’s why I used the LRRH as an analogy, so that you can access your vulnerabilities and determine why you might be a little off guard when negative things pop up. Maybe you haven’t been conditioned to be tough, instead you’ve been socialized to be soft and tender. That’s good, but at the right time and in the right places with the right people. So, whatever you do when things get crazy, don’t panic. Panic is groundless fear that leads to anger. It can cause you to become emotional and do things that aren’t complimentary to what you are trying to achieve.
Instead, realize who you are and that you have all the power you need within you. When conflict comes up ask yourself if you’re in the right place. Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing? Or, does my opponent have a point? You will not always be doing everything right, that’s normal, because you’re not perfect. That’s why the adversary can come after you. But if you’re taking the appropriate inventory of your self everyday, when difficulty comes up, you’ll be in a good position to resolve your inadequacies.
The next question for you may be, "Should I fight to resolve this conflict when I know I’m not 100% what I should be?" In most instances, you won’t have the luxury to choose if you fight or not, but if you do, take a step back and get yourself together. You should already know where your inadequacies lie, so take the steps necessary to resolve them as best you can. And don’t forget, it’s okay to admit when you’re wrong, and correct yourself with your opponent. Don’t ever be too proud to apologize and get things right.
The thing is that you may not always be able to apologize and get in good standing with your opponent. If that’s the case you have to recognize that you’re in a war. Tisk’, tisk’, tisk’, yes I said, a war.
Ladies, wars can go on for years. That’s why those who are the strongest and better equipped survive, and those who have the right backup, win. The thing is that both you and your opponent may be right from each of your perspectives. If that’s the case, the conflict maybe resolved in both your favors, and you still would have gone through a war to get to that point. Oh yeah!
So, during the war, what you want is backup, and the right backup. Not, me, not Oprah, not some author of some self help book. If you’re a Christian, you need God, His Word, and the Holy Spirit, to back you up. If you’re not Christian, I don’t know what to tell you, other than reach out to Him and become one with Him now.
So, in order to have God as your backup you have to be in right standing with Him. That just means that you acknowledge Him in all that you do. Not, that you have to be perfect, but that you strive to do His Will, because none of us are perfect. But, with God on your side, you have to be convinced to fight a clean fight to keep Him there. You cannot lie, cheat, or steal, and expect God to back you up, so keep a clean house and fight a clean fight even if you know your opponent is not. What they do is not your business.
Once you’ve realized that you cannot do this without God, then you have to get down on your knees, (that’s if you haven’t been all along) and ask Him what He wants you to do. If what you’re fighting for is righteous, then He wants you to stand and go through the battle. Don’t worry He’ll be with you as stated in the aforementioned scripture. He will let you know if He wants you to fight and He may even ask you to fight. Remember, whatever He asks you to do, DO IT! He’s trying to get something better to you, so what you have to give up is peanuts compared to what He’s got in store for you.
So, now that you know your direction, it’s okay if you don’t know every road its path is going to take. That's why you have to stay prayed up. You’re going to need to hear from God to know which way to go. Be prepared for a lot of pain along the way, especially in the beginning. Hang on because it gets better as you get better because you have God, remember.
Anyway, throughout the war things you never saw coming will easily be an issue. You will have to know what your focus is going in, so that you don’t get distracted by other things that ultimately cause you to give up. Know what it is that God wants you to accomplish. It may not be crystal clear at first, but know His voice and let Him guide you. If you can honestly say that you believe you will receive what it is that you’re asking for, then you’re on the right path, because no one is going to believe in your dream like you do. NO ONE Yes people will be with you for a time but as things get more and more difficult, they will have to be honest with themselves and you, that this not their fight, but yours. Don’t hold it against them, by then you should be strong enough to stand alone with God.
Okay so now you’ve identified your inadequacies and you’re in the process of eliminating them, because you’ve taken inventory of yourself and your circumstances. You’ve prayed and you know God wants you to fight for what’s right. And you know what you want out of the fight. The only other thing I can think of is the issue of day-to-day combat.
In combat, again you will get hurt. Yes, emotionally hurt, bruised, beat-up and all of that. Remember in the fairytale how LRRH fought her way to the hunter who eventually killed the wolf? Well, she got some bruises from that. However, you must remember, your opponent doesn’t care about you. You may have thought they would, you may think they should because you would, but they’re not you. And I see so many women/people get hung up on this because they don’t realize that their opponent is not them and they are motivated by other things.
This may take some time for you to get, but its okay, its okay. The main thing here is not to act on emotion. Remember when I was telling you about AV and how the woman jumped on her children’s father’s truck to do damage? Well that was an emotional move that cost her, not him. Don’t make any emotional moves. Although I say that, I know that most people do. Hopefully, yours will be minor and early enough in the war that it won’t cost you too much.
This is why in combat, you’re going to need someone that can be your 'sergeant at arms'. someone who can be there for you. This can be a little tricky because you have to pick someone who is definitely outside the box, a person who can be neutral when things get out of hand, because they will. This person needs to have good character. They should be someone who has had their share of wars themselves. More likely than not, they’re going to feel a little obligated to help you, maybe because no one was there to help them, but don’t be inconsiderate. Listen to them, which may be hard because you’re probably going to be in 'emotional mode', and you'll need to transfer to warrior mode, but give them a chance because you need them and they’re only going to be around for a little while, just to see that you get all this.
A sergeant at arms will be there to help you in situations when you have to respond to what is happening to you and you aren't able to. You'll want to answer the call, "right now", but don't. Take the time to hear your sergeant so that you don't act on emotion.
For example, maybe you’ve experienced an airstrike recently and it looks like they’ve wounded all your men/defenses, don’t do anything. Take some time to access the situation/damage otherwise you’ll be acting on emotion and we already know that’s not good. Write what you want to say but don’t send it. Have your sergeant read it and play devils advocate. Line up your defense strategy again realigning things so that they make better sense, then play it out to your sergeant and see what they have to say about it.
Taking time is always good because it makes your opponent think they’ve won, that you're defeated. No way, you’re just building ammunition for the next round. Where you were weak, you’re now building a better defense because they’re going to come after you in that same place to try and take you out. When they come you want to be ready. If you jump and tell them what you think, more times than not, you’re going to tip you hand and they’re going to try some other maneuver you’re not prepared for. So, take time out to build up your defense and hit them where it hurts, and divert their attention away from your weakness.
Well, I hope I’ve given you some food for thought. Remember, this is just one person’s opinion, mine, take it and make it work for you. In the meantime, may you continue to realize God’s blessings so that He continues to keep you just as He’s promised.
This post has been syndicated and copyrighted.
When you have peace you have confidence, but you may have to fight for your peace as I said in my previous post. It’s not going to be a physical fight, but a mental and spiritual one. So, if you have to go to war, you need to know how beforehand, so that you're prepared. You want to be i the best possible place, spiritually, mentally, and physically. This way you can outlast your opponent.
To begin your preparation you want to first be aware of what might happen. That’s why I used the LRRH as an analogy, so that you can access your vulnerabilities and determine why you might be a little off guard when negative things pop up. Maybe you haven’t been conditioned to be tough, instead you’ve been socialized to be soft and tender. That’s good, but at the right time and in the right places with the right people. So, whatever you do when things get crazy, don’t panic. Panic is groundless fear that leads to anger. It can cause you to become emotional and do things that aren’t complimentary to what you are trying to achieve.
Instead, realize who you are and that you have all the power you need within you. When conflict comes up ask yourself if you’re in the right place. Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing? Or, does my opponent have a point? You will not always be doing everything right, that’s normal, because you’re not perfect. That’s why the adversary can come after you. But if you’re taking the appropriate inventory of your self everyday, when difficulty comes up, you’ll be in a good position to resolve your inadequacies.
The next question for you may be, "Should I fight to resolve this conflict when I know I’m not 100% what I should be?" In most instances, you won’t have the luxury to choose if you fight or not, but if you do, take a step back and get yourself together. You should already know where your inadequacies lie, so take the steps necessary to resolve them as best you can. And don’t forget, it’s okay to admit when you’re wrong, and correct yourself with your opponent. Don’t ever be too proud to apologize and get things right.
The thing is that you may not always be able to apologize and get in good standing with your opponent. If that’s the case you have to recognize that you’re in a war. Tisk’, tisk’, tisk’, yes I said, a war.
Ladies, wars can go on for years. That’s why those who are the strongest and better equipped survive, and those who have the right backup, win. The thing is that both you and your opponent may be right from each of your perspectives. If that’s the case, the conflict maybe resolved in both your favors, and you still would have gone through a war to get to that point. Oh yeah!
So, during the war, what you want is backup, and the right backup. Not, me, not Oprah, not some author of some self help book. If you’re a Christian, you need God, His Word, and the Holy Spirit, to back you up. If you’re not Christian, I don’t know what to tell you, other than reach out to Him and become one with Him now.
So, in order to have God as your backup you have to be in right standing with Him. That just means that you acknowledge Him in all that you do. Not, that you have to be perfect, but that you strive to do His Will, because none of us are perfect. But, with God on your side, you have to be convinced to fight a clean fight to keep Him there. You cannot lie, cheat, or steal, and expect God to back you up, so keep a clean house and fight a clean fight even if you know your opponent is not. What they do is not your business.
Once you’ve realized that you cannot do this without God, then you have to get down on your knees, (that’s if you haven’t been all along) and ask Him what He wants you to do. If what you’re fighting for is righteous, then He wants you to stand and go through the battle. Don’t worry He’ll be with you as stated in the aforementioned scripture. He will let you know if He wants you to fight and He may even ask you to fight. Remember, whatever He asks you to do, DO IT! He’s trying to get something better to you, so what you have to give up is peanuts compared to what He’s got in store for you.
So, now that you know your direction, it’s okay if you don’t know every road its path is going to take. That's why you have to stay prayed up. You’re going to need to hear from God to know which way to go. Be prepared for a lot of pain along the way, especially in the beginning. Hang on because it gets better as you get better because you have God, remember.
Anyway, throughout the war things you never saw coming will easily be an issue. You will have to know what your focus is going in, so that you don’t get distracted by other things that ultimately cause you to give up. Know what it is that God wants you to accomplish. It may not be crystal clear at first, but know His voice and let Him guide you. If you can honestly say that you believe you will receive what it is that you’re asking for, then you’re on the right path, because no one is going to believe in your dream like you do. NO ONE Yes people will be with you for a time but as things get more and more difficult, they will have to be honest with themselves and you, that this not their fight, but yours. Don’t hold it against them, by then you should be strong enough to stand alone with God.
Okay so now you’ve identified your inadequacies and you’re in the process of eliminating them, because you’ve taken inventory of yourself and your circumstances. You’ve prayed and you know God wants you to fight for what’s right. And you know what you want out of the fight. The only other thing I can think of is the issue of day-to-day combat.
In combat, again you will get hurt. Yes, emotionally hurt, bruised, beat-up and all of that. Remember in the fairytale how LRRH fought her way to the hunter who eventually killed the wolf? Well, she got some bruises from that. However, you must remember, your opponent doesn’t care about you. You may have thought they would, you may think they should because you would, but they’re not you. And I see so many women/people get hung up on this because they don’t realize that their opponent is not them and they are motivated by other things.
This may take some time for you to get, but its okay, its okay. The main thing here is not to act on emotion. Remember when I was telling you about AV and how the woman jumped on her children’s father’s truck to do damage? Well that was an emotional move that cost her, not him. Don’t make any emotional moves. Although I say that, I know that most people do. Hopefully, yours will be minor and early enough in the war that it won’t cost you too much.
This is why in combat, you’re going to need someone that can be your 'sergeant at arms'. someone who can be there for you. This can be a little tricky because you have to pick someone who is definitely outside the box, a person who can be neutral when things get out of hand, because they will. This person needs to have good character. They should be someone who has had their share of wars themselves. More likely than not, they’re going to feel a little obligated to help you, maybe because no one was there to help them, but don’t be inconsiderate. Listen to them, which may be hard because you’re probably going to be in 'emotional mode', and you'll need to transfer to warrior mode, but give them a chance because you need them and they’re only going to be around for a little while, just to see that you get all this.
A sergeant at arms will be there to help you in situations when you have to respond to what is happening to you and you aren't able to. You'll want to answer the call, "right now", but don't. Take the time to hear your sergeant so that you don't act on emotion.
For example, maybe you’ve experienced an airstrike recently and it looks like they’ve wounded all your men/defenses, don’t do anything. Take some time to access the situation/damage otherwise you’ll be acting on emotion and we already know that’s not good. Write what you want to say but don’t send it. Have your sergeant read it and play devils advocate. Line up your defense strategy again realigning things so that they make better sense, then play it out to your sergeant and see what they have to say about it.
Taking time is always good because it makes your opponent think they’ve won, that you're defeated. No way, you’re just building ammunition for the next round. Where you were weak, you’re now building a better defense because they’re going to come after you in that same place to try and take you out. When they come you want to be ready. If you jump and tell them what you think, more times than not, you’re going to tip you hand and they’re going to try some other maneuver you’re not prepared for. So, take time out to build up your defense and hit them where it hurts, and divert their attention away from your weakness.
Well, I hope I’ve given you some food for thought. Remember, this is just one person’s opinion, mine, take it and make it work for you. In the meantime, may you continue to realize God’s blessings so that He continues to keep you just as He’s promised.
This post has been syndicated and copyrighted.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
While I’m having technical difficulties, (my next two featured guests have been delayed) let’s take a look at this Grimm's fairy tale. Maybe we can see how it relates to women.
Remember, Little Red Riding Hood, (LRRH) was going to see her grandmother. I don’t know where her mother was maybe she was sick and had to send LRRH to her mom’s, but anyway. She had to go through the forest. The WHAT? Yes, the forest. Pump the brakes a minute. Did you say that a little girl was gong to have to go through the forest, alone, to her grandmother’s house? Yes, that’s what I said.
Well, okay so let’s look at the forest. During the summer, the forest is lush and green, in the winter, it’s cold and bare, much like the elements of the real world. You can not see through the forest to the other side, and that’s a major problem. If you manage to see some distance it’s distorted by all the trees. To get through it you have to rely on your instincts, unless you come prepared with a compass.
Like the world, the forest is not always a safe place. There are animals, some of which are afraid of you and some that are not. Those that aren’t will challenge you, for example, the wolves, badgers, bobcats and the like. Because LRRH had on bright red, she was automatically a target like many women are today. For a little girl, this is not the place you want to be, but there she was headed to her grandmother’s house. A utopia where she would find love, peace, and contentment, again much like what most women want.
Further in the story we see that LRRH meets up with a wolf on the way to Granny’s. The wolf tries to talk her into all sorts of things, but LRRH is strong in her spot. She refuses because she knows that better things are waiting at Granny’s. When she gets to her grandmother’s house, who she thinks is Granny is not, it’s the wolf who meets her at the door. Immediately, she senses something is wrong with her grandmother.
Now, Oprah calls this the 'pebble moment', that thing that ultimately grows into a stone, then a brick, then a boulder before you see it for what it is, and it smaps' you in the head/heart. I like to think of it as a Red Flag, an audit term. The flag comes up real quick, and then it’s gone. Until you resolve the issue the flag will keep popping up until it doesn’t go down at all, and remains there until it’s resolved. By the time it’s obvious to everyone a violation has occurred and people start going to jail and paying back money.
In either case, this is the moment most women ignore and what I want to focus you on, but first I’ll finish the story.
LRRH asks Granny several questions which shows that she has a deeply rooted insecurity about herself and her decision making ability. She doesn’t trust her instincts. She doesn’t believe herself and she continues to turn and ask the very one she’s doubtful about if they are really who they say they are. Typical of most women, “Are you lying to me?” Are you cheating?” And of course, they continue to tell her what she wants to hear.
To top it all off, with this doubt and uncertainty abounding for LRRH she SITS down with the questionable character, and sups with him, the ultimate disregard of self and reality. A trait I parallel with female victims of HIV and AID’s who are sometimes victims of men on the “Down Low.”
In any case, I wanted to break this fable down for you to show you that as women we have to learn just who we are so that we are aware of our vulnerabilities.
Generally speaking, most women are innately emotional beings. We see that confirmed in the article by the doctor in my previous post.
On top of that, I feel as black women we have to be particularly careful because we are so grounded spirituality by the church. We learn very early in life that we should be nice, good girls, helpers, doers, and all that goes with that. By the time we are women we want to exude this deep spiritual persona that, “…when you see me, you see a kind, warm hearted spirit…” which is nice, don’t get me wrong, but it can help to lull the average girl into believing that everyone is going to perceive that in her and honor it, and that’s where the problems come in, because most of the world won’t.
Most women aren’t able to balance their feeling of helping and serving with the reality that there are wolves out here ready and willing to devour them. Most women are caught off guard when conflict arises and its ugly head is right in their face. Most women are taken aback by the mere unmitigated gall of being disrespected and disregarded.
For example, in a previous blog post I talked about fear and how anger is often the direct result of fear. Well, that’s true and the reaction we often see and hear from women who are confronted with some kind of injustice is their loud combative response, often coupled with a gyrating neck and an attitude, that comes out at the wrong time and place. And that's because most women can not believe what is happening to them. I know I couldn’t. I didn’t think I would have to fight for my job or anything else at the level I did. I thought all I had to do was be good, and I would succeed. I was conditioned that way. I thought I needed to get my education, do well in school, learn a lot of course, and the rest would take care of it self. HA!
When I initially posted this blog and told women about it, one lady said, “Oh yeah, I’ll check it out, but none of my friends and I are anything like that.” I said ok, but I wanted to say YET. This is all about the FIGHT. When and what will you fight for, ladies?
When I was contemplating writing to you about LRRH, I happened to watch a film called American Violet. AV is based on a real story about a woman who was falsely arrested for selling drugs. She was a good mother, and a hard worker who just happened to be impoverished. Girlfriend started out nice and refined, but as time went on and things started breaking down because she was in jail, remember through no fault of her own, she began to lose it.
The focus on when she lost it is key to me. She didn’t lose it when her boss had to fire her. She didn’t lose it when she couldn’t fix herself up because she was in jail. No, she lost it when she learned that her mother released her children to their father, because the father had a girl friend that had been either accused of, or convicted as a sex offender. When the father wouldn’t release the children to her and/or her mother, that’s when girlfriend lost it. She climbed up on his truck and showed out.
Now, don’t think I’m advocating physical violence, but what I want you to see is that the average woman, given the right set of circumstances will fight. And who knows what she might do if she’s not prepared.
And that’s okay because guess what? God wants us to fight. He wants warriors. When He said put on the whole armor of God, He didn’t restrict that to men, women were included too.
There are of course different variations of concerns. They differ from individual to individual, and circumstance to circumstance, but no matter how you slice it, you will fight. If you have any passion in you at all, you’re going to be put to the test. The question is, will you sink or swim.
There’s not going to be any time for you to worry about running your favorite Wolford’s in the process. You’re not going to be able to do lot’s of easy things like curse, or pull a gun, or break a cars windows, no none of that. But will you be ready if your heart has been broken, your good name tarnished? I could go on and on. Will you be ready to go to war? The thing is will you know how.
Click on next week when I give you a few pointers on how to fight and win the war, because in life there will be tribulation.
This post is syndicated and copyrighted.
Remember, Little Red Riding Hood, (LRRH) was going to see her grandmother. I don’t know where her mother was maybe she was sick and had to send LRRH to her mom’s, but anyway. She had to go through the forest. The WHAT? Yes, the forest. Pump the brakes a minute. Did you say that a little girl was gong to have to go through the forest, alone, to her grandmother’s house? Yes, that’s what I said.
Well, okay so let’s look at the forest. During the summer, the forest is lush and green, in the winter, it’s cold and bare, much like the elements of the real world. You can not see through the forest to the other side, and that’s a major problem. If you manage to see some distance it’s distorted by all the trees. To get through it you have to rely on your instincts, unless you come prepared with a compass.
Like the world, the forest is not always a safe place. There are animals, some of which are afraid of you and some that are not. Those that aren’t will challenge you, for example, the wolves, badgers, bobcats and the like. Because LRRH had on bright red, she was automatically a target like many women are today. For a little girl, this is not the place you want to be, but there she was headed to her grandmother’s house. A utopia where she would find love, peace, and contentment, again much like what most women want.
Further in the story we see that LRRH meets up with a wolf on the way to Granny’s. The wolf tries to talk her into all sorts of things, but LRRH is strong in her spot. She refuses because she knows that better things are waiting at Granny’s. When she gets to her grandmother’s house, who she thinks is Granny is not, it’s the wolf who meets her at the door. Immediately, she senses something is wrong with her grandmother.
Now, Oprah calls this the 'pebble moment', that thing that ultimately grows into a stone, then a brick, then a boulder before you see it for what it is, and it smaps' you in the head/heart. I like to think of it as a Red Flag, an audit term. The flag comes up real quick, and then it’s gone. Until you resolve the issue the flag will keep popping up until it doesn’t go down at all, and remains there until it’s resolved. By the time it’s obvious to everyone a violation has occurred and people start going to jail and paying back money.
In either case, this is the moment most women ignore and what I want to focus you on, but first I’ll finish the story.
LRRH asks Granny several questions which shows that she has a deeply rooted insecurity about herself and her decision making ability. She doesn’t trust her instincts. She doesn’t believe herself and she continues to turn and ask the very one she’s doubtful about if they are really who they say they are. Typical of most women, “Are you lying to me?” Are you cheating?” And of course, they continue to tell her what she wants to hear.
To top it all off, with this doubt and uncertainty abounding for LRRH she SITS down with the questionable character, and sups with him, the ultimate disregard of self and reality. A trait I parallel with female victims of HIV and AID’s who are sometimes victims of men on the “Down Low.”
In any case, I wanted to break this fable down for you to show you that as women we have to learn just who we are so that we are aware of our vulnerabilities.
Generally speaking, most women are innately emotional beings. We see that confirmed in the article by the doctor in my previous post.
On top of that, I feel as black women we have to be particularly careful because we are so grounded spirituality by the church. We learn very early in life that we should be nice, good girls, helpers, doers, and all that goes with that. By the time we are women we want to exude this deep spiritual persona that, “…when you see me, you see a kind, warm hearted spirit…” which is nice, don’t get me wrong, but it can help to lull the average girl into believing that everyone is going to perceive that in her and honor it, and that’s where the problems come in, because most of the world won’t.
Most women aren’t able to balance their feeling of helping and serving with the reality that there are wolves out here ready and willing to devour them. Most women are caught off guard when conflict arises and its ugly head is right in their face. Most women are taken aback by the mere unmitigated gall of being disrespected and disregarded.
For example, in a previous blog post I talked about fear and how anger is often the direct result of fear. Well, that’s true and the reaction we often see and hear from women who are confronted with some kind of injustice is their loud combative response, often coupled with a gyrating neck and an attitude, that comes out at the wrong time and place. And that's because most women can not believe what is happening to them. I know I couldn’t. I didn’t think I would have to fight for my job or anything else at the level I did. I thought all I had to do was be good, and I would succeed. I was conditioned that way. I thought I needed to get my education, do well in school, learn a lot of course, and the rest would take care of it self. HA!
When I initially posted this blog and told women about it, one lady said, “Oh yeah, I’ll check it out, but none of my friends and I are anything like that.” I said ok, but I wanted to say YET. This is all about the FIGHT. When and what will you fight for, ladies?
When I was contemplating writing to you about LRRH, I happened to watch a film called American Violet. AV is based on a real story about a woman who was falsely arrested for selling drugs. She was a good mother, and a hard worker who just happened to be impoverished. Girlfriend started out nice and refined, but as time went on and things started breaking down because she was in jail, remember through no fault of her own, she began to lose it.
The focus on when she lost it is key to me. She didn’t lose it when her boss had to fire her. She didn’t lose it when she couldn’t fix herself up because she was in jail. No, she lost it when she learned that her mother released her children to their father, because the father had a girl friend that had been either accused of, or convicted as a sex offender. When the father wouldn’t release the children to her and/or her mother, that’s when girlfriend lost it. She climbed up on his truck and showed out.
Now, don’t think I’m advocating physical violence, but what I want you to see is that the average woman, given the right set of circumstances will fight. And who knows what she might do if she’s not prepared.
And that’s okay because guess what? God wants us to fight. He wants warriors. When He said put on the whole armor of God, He didn’t restrict that to men, women were included too.
There are of course different variations of concerns. They differ from individual to individual, and circumstance to circumstance, but no matter how you slice it, you will fight. If you have any passion in you at all, you’re going to be put to the test. The question is, will you sink or swim.
There’s not going to be any time for you to worry about running your favorite Wolford’s in the process. You’re not going to be able to do lot’s of easy things like curse, or pull a gun, or break a cars windows, no none of that. But will you be ready if your heart has been broken, your good name tarnished? I could go on and on. Will you be ready to go to war? The thing is will you know how.
Click on next week when I give you a few pointers on how to fight and win the war, because in life there will be tribulation.
This post is syndicated and copyrighted.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
FEATURED GUEST NICOLE NEWMAN
Today begins the New Year, 2010 and things don’t just happen. We see that when we look at Jeremiah 29:11 …For I know the thoughts and the plans that I have for you, says the Lord. Thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil. In this scripture God is telling us He has a set plan for our lives. A plan to help guide us to the fulfillment that He created for us. In order for us to follow the path God has set for us we have to reach out to Him with diligent faith.
As we embark on the New Year, the inference is automatically one of change. Most people look at this as a time to do things they have not been accustom to doing and that’s good, but do you know what you should be changing? We see and hear silly things like organizing closets, cleaning houses, and washing clothes, as if these tasks were somehow only done once a year. That’s silly because we know we have to stay organized and clean year round.
So what type of change should we be focusing on? Changing our thinking is the real change because change comes from within, through our thought process. But what do we change our thinking to? That’s when we realize that by following Biblical principals we change our way of thinking to what God intends for our lives and by doing that we make a difference within ourselves.
Change usually comes reluctantly for most people. We don’t want it. We’re so caught up in what we’ve been doing or thinking that it’s often difficult to switch. And that’s not good because usually the awareness of change is due to some detriment already in motion, some pain that we have created for ourselves. And that is most certainly, the worst pain.
This is why I selected my featured guest this week. She is truly a pioneer of change. Her name is Nicole Newman. She is the president and CEO of Newman Networks, www.newnetwork.com. Newman Networks designs and maintains websites and has a networking program set up for minority owned businesses in the Philadelphia area.
Ms. Newman also writes for The Philadelphia Business Technology Examiner. Her most recent article is Innovation As The New Economy For 2010 and can be found at, http://www.examiner.com/x-13481-Philadelphia-Business-Technology-Examiner~y2009m12d31-Innovation-as-the-new-economy-for-2010.
Ms. Newman is also in the process of writing her memoirs, Product Of My Environment, where she discusses her childhood and growing up and how it is that she became the entrepreneur that she is today. She says, “Change has been and always will be apart of my life. Growing up I thought my family (mom and me) were the Jefferson’s - We were always moving on up. By the time I was 16 we had lived in at least 8 different apartments throughout the city. I stopped attending the neighborhood school in the 4th grade! Mom and I had mapped out college plans when I was 4 years old. Even then, I had a sense of wanting to learn because learning is evolving. I want to evolve into a kinder, gentler Nicole who attracts successful people and can network to bring prosperity to my community. That is the dream I pursue and as I reach that level, the dream becomes bigger, which means I must evolve again...
When I worked in corporate America, I had the pinnacle of a career - a job at world renowned Deloitte Touché Tomatsu, a well respected global accounting firm. But still I was not happy. It was a great experience but now I have found my true calling in becoming an AGENT of CHANGE! The world is going through very fast technology shifts and I must be on top of the curve to show others how to navigate... Wow, Life is good!”
As we can see, Ms. Newman didn’t let changing preclude her from doing what she needed to do? No. She forged ahead and learned to take each move in stride to make all the twists and turns she needed to follow the path God had set for her. Now, she has her own company and the focus is on helping others. She wouldn’t be able to do that unless she spent time on herself.
That’s what we want to encourage you all to do this year. Find and follow the path God has set for you so that you can live an abundant life. No matter what the change may be, if God is asking you to do it, do it. He has so many greater things in mind for you.
You can connect with and read more about Ms. Newman from the following websites,
http://www.facebook.com/nickynewman?v=app_2347471856&ref=profile#/note.php?note_id=116744610283)
http://www.facebook.com/nickynewman, http://www.linkedin.com/in/nicolenewman, http://www.meetup.com/enterprisingwomensalliance.
http://www.examiner.com/x-13481-Philadelphia-Business-Technology-Examiner.
Thank you and may God continue to bless and guide you in the days to come.
As we embark on the New Year, the inference is automatically one of change. Most people look at this as a time to do things they have not been accustom to doing and that’s good, but do you know what you should be changing? We see and hear silly things like organizing closets, cleaning houses, and washing clothes, as if these tasks were somehow only done once a year. That’s silly because we know we have to stay organized and clean year round.
So what type of change should we be focusing on? Changing our thinking is the real change because change comes from within, through our thought process. But what do we change our thinking to? That’s when we realize that by following Biblical principals we change our way of thinking to what God intends for our lives and by doing that we make a difference within ourselves.
Change usually comes reluctantly for most people. We don’t want it. We’re so caught up in what we’ve been doing or thinking that it’s often difficult to switch. And that’s not good because usually the awareness of change is due to some detriment already in motion, some pain that we have created for ourselves. And that is most certainly, the worst pain.
This is why I selected my featured guest this week. She is truly a pioneer of change. Her name is Nicole Newman. She is the president and CEO of Newman Networks, www.newnetwork.com. Newman Networks designs and maintains websites and has a networking program set up for minority owned businesses in the Philadelphia area.
Ms. Newman also writes for The Philadelphia Business Technology Examiner. Her most recent article is Innovation As The New Economy For 2010 and can be found at, http://www.examiner.com/x-13481-Philadelphia-Business-Technology-Examiner~y2009m12d31-Innovation-as-the-new-economy-for-2010.
Ms. Newman is also in the process of writing her memoirs, Product Of My Environment, where she discusses her childhood and growing up and how it is that she became the entrepreneur that she is today. She says, “Change has been and always will be apart of my life. Growing up I thought my family (mom and me) were the Jefferson’s - We were always moving on up. By the time I was 16 we had lived in at least 8 different apartments throughout the city. I stopped attending the neighborhood school in the 4th grade! Mom and I had mapped out college plans when I was 4 years old. Even then, I had a sense of wanting to learn because learning is evolving. I want to evolve into a kinder, gentler Nicole who attracts successful people and can network to bring prosperity to my community. That is the dream I pursue and as I reach that level, the dream becomes bigger, which means I must evolve again...
When I worked in corporate America, I had the pinnacle of a career - a job at world renowned Deloitte Touché Tomatsu, a well respected global accounting firm. But still I was not happy. It was a great experience but now I have found my true calling in becoming an AGENT of CHANGE! The world is going through very fast technology shifts and I must be on top of the curve to show others how to navigate... Wow, Life is good!”
As we can see, Ms. Newman didn’t let changing preclude her from doing what she needed to do? No. She forged ahead and learned to take each move in stride to make all the twists and turns she needed to follow the path God had set for her. Now, she has her own company and the focus is on helping others. She wouldn’t be able to do that unless she spent time on herself.
That’s what we want to encourage you all to do this year. Find and follow the path God has set for you so that you can live an abundant life. No matter what the change may be, if God is asking you to do it, do it. He has so many greater things in mind for you.
You can connect with and read more about Ms. Newman from the following websites,
http://www.facebook.com/nickynewman?v=app_2347471856&ref=profile#/note.php?note_id=116744610283)
http://www.facebook.com/nickynewman, http://www.linkedin.com/in/nicolenewman, http://www.meetup.com/enterprisingwomensalliance.
http://www.examiner.com/x-13481-Philadelphia-Business-Technology-Examiner.
Thank you and may God continue to bless and guide you in the days to come.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
FEATURED GUEST BER-HENDA WILLIAMS
Dear Followers:
This week I want to focus on having a strong love walk. What is a love walk? A love walk is how you connect with others on a daily basis. Are you showing love to people? Are you SMILING at the people you come in contact with as you go about your day? Smiling helps you to connect with people in a loving way. If not, you may appear self-absorbed. By not realizing that those around you need to see you smile, you hinder yourself and them. So why not, put smiling on your New Year’s resolution to-do list.
Just a simple smile can enhance your love walk tremendously. By smiling I have gained entry into so many doors that I would never have thought possible. I often ask my self why. What is so powerful about a simple facial gesture that gets people on your side?
The thing is that strangers don’t know you so when you smile at them it breaks the ice. It gives both of you common ground, a beginning. There’s a sense then that no one is angry, no one is different. We are both coming from a place of peace and joy, no matter what may be going on. Just that simple connection can be enough to bring you and the world together and that’s what you may need especially at a time when things aren’t going well at all.
My featured guest this week knows the value of having a sincere smile. Her name is Ber-Henda Williams. A Ber-Henda, is Germanic and Greek in origin and means Bear Hearted Protector. As a Ber-Henda, Ms. Williams exudes a protective spirit that is kind and gentle, but also passionate.
Fluent in Spanish Ms. Williams writes her poems in Spanish and says the Spanish language adds richness and zeal to her work. She is the author of MEMOIRS of the HUMAN EXPERIENCE and EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN, Vol. 1. She is also the host of POETRY, PAGES, AND SCRIBES, www.poetrypagescribes.com, where she and others create a lyrical sound garden of verses and conscious thought.
You can find Ms. Williams at the Southfield Public Library in Southfield, Michigan on the first Thursday of every month. There, Poetry, Pages and Scribes provides an “Open Mic” experience that features a different performing artist every month. However, this is not just a platform for poets and their aficionados. Instead it is for singers, musicians, and storytellers as well. Over the last two years the show has featured some of the most promising stars in the metro area’s cultural community by celebrating a diverse cross section of artists, making Thursday nights at the Southfield Public Library anything but typical. This month Poetry, Pages, and Scribes celebrates its third-year anniversary so please go out and support them.
Ms. Williams has been writing poetry well over a decade and she is the former host of The Eargasm Artistic Collective at Bert’s Jazz Club in the Eastern Market of Michigan. She has performed at many venues throughout the Metro-Detroit area that include, The Key Club and The Plymouth Book Cellar for the Honors Series. Ms. Williams is also the former host of The Honey B Chronicles a former radio broadcast for the University of Detroit Mercy. It was a program of music, art, community, and world information.
I am proud to introduce you to her because of her love walk. And as she puts it, “…I have sistah girl tendencies but for the most part, I try to put out the love I want in return. I go the extra mile to love harder, when I feel bad. It’s easy to make life about what has hurt me and what has made my path rocky, but the true test is to forge ahead and smile and be nice anyway.”
Ms. Williams goes on to say …she walks in love everyday because there is no other way for her. Love is the ruling force of our lives so we should make love often. Love is the elixir of life. Our words are powerful but even stronger still are our thoughts; for they carry a frequency and charge that moves faster than light and sound. We have all power from the Almighty to be conduits of love. Therefore, we must be Christ-like in all we say and do. I want to be a lover so I love when it hurts. That is how I heal.
By sharing just this little bit about how she thinks and behaves gives us all unlimited insight into what can work to keep us from letting our anger get the best of us. We all thank you for sharing this with us Ber-Henda Williams and keep up your love walk!
This week I want to focus on having a strong love walk. What is a love walk? A love walk is how you connect with others on a daily basis. Are you showing love to people? Are you SMILING at the people you come in contact with as you go about your day? Smiling helps you to connect with people in a loving way. If not, you may appear self-absorbed. By not realizing that those around you need to see you smile, you hinder yourself and them. So why not, put smiling on your New Year’s resolution to-do list.
Just a simple smile can enhance your love walk tremendously. By smiling I have gained entry into so many doors that I would never have thought possible. I often ask my self why. What is so powerful about a simple facial gesture that gets people on your side?
The thing is that strangers don’t know you so when you smile at them it breaks the ice. It gives both of you common ground, a beginning. There’s a sense then that no one is angry, no one is different. We are both coming from a place of peace and joy, no matter what may be going on. Just that simple connection can be enough to bring you and the world together and that’s what you may need especially at a time when things aren’t going well at all.
My featured guest this week knows the value of having a sincere smile. Her name is Ber-Henda Williams. A Ber-Henda, is Germanic and Greek in origin and means Bear Hearted Protector. As a Ber-Henda, Ms. Williams exudes a protective spirit that is kind and gentle, but also passionate.
Fluent in Spanish Ms. Williams writes her poems in Spanish and says the Spanish language adds richness and zeal to her work. She is the author of MEMOIRS of the HUMAN EXPERIENCE and EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN, Vol. 1. She is also the host of POETRY, PAGES, AND SCRIBES, www.poetrypagescribes.com, where she and others create a lyrical sound garden of verses and conscious thought.
You can find Ms. Williams at the Southfield Public Library in Southfield, Michigan on the first Thursday of every month. There, Poetry, Pages and Scribes provides an “Open Mic” experience that features a different performing artist every month. However, this is not just a platform for poets and their aficionados. Instead it is for singers, musicians, and storytellers as well. Over the last two years the show has featured some of the most promising stars in the metro area’s cultural community by celebrating a diverse cross section of artists, making Thursday nights at the Southfield Public Library anything but typical. This month Poetry, Pages, and Scribes celebrates its third-year anniversary so please go out and support them.
Ms. Williams has been writing poetry well over a decade and she is the former host of The Eargasm Artistic Collective at Bert’s Jazz Club in the Eastern Market of Michigan. She has performed at many venues throughout the Metro-Detroit area that include, The Key Club and The Plymouth Book Cellar for the Honors Series. Ms. Williams is also the former host of The Honey B Chronicles a former radio broadcast for the University of Detroit Mercy. It was a program of music, art, community, and world information.
I am proud to introduce you to her because of her love walk. And as she puts it, “…I have sistah girl tendencies but for the most part, I try to put out the love I want in return. I go the extra mile to love harder, when I feel bad. It’s easy to make life about what has hurt me and what has made my path rocky, but the true test is to forge ahead and smile and be nice anyway.”
Ms. Williams goes on to say …she walks in love everyday because there is no other way for her. Love is the ruling force of our lives so we should make love often. Love is the elixir of life. Our words are powerful but even stronger still are our thoughts; for they carry a frequency and charge that moves faster than light and sound. We have all power from the Almighty to be conduits of love. Therefore, we must be Christ-like in all we say and do. I want to be a lover so I love when it hurts. That is how I heal.
By sharing just this little bit about how she thinks and behaves gives us all unlimited insight into what can work to keep us from letting our anger get the best of us. We all thank you for sharing this with us Ber-Henda Williams and keep up your love walk!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
My First Featured Guest Adilah Barnes
Dear Followers:
My focus today is on eliminating fear. Jesus tells us repeatedly in the Bible, “Fear Not,” and we should not fear anything. God is not the author of fear. Where there is fear, there is no faith. The two cannot exist together.
I find that anger is almost always based on some type of fear. However, fear does not always promote anger, especially if you know how to channel it. I’ve chosen to feature a very special guest who handled her fear positively so it never turned into anger. She overcame her fears through education and hard work, and she never gave up.
Her name is, ADIILAH BARNES. Ms. Barnes agreed to allow me to share an experience she had as a child with you in hopes that it might encourage you, no matter where you are in your life’s journey.
But first to tell you about her,
Ms. Barnes is the author of “ON MY OWN TERMS, ONE ACTOR’S JOURNEY” which was named an ESSENCE MAGAZINE bestseller for 2009. It was also nominated for the 2009 African American Literary Award and the XLIBRIS Publisher’s Author Spotlight.
Ms. Barnes performs in the internationally-toured historical one woman show, “I AM THAT I AM, WOMAN, BLACK”, where she portrays several African American women, Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman, Mary Bethune, Zora Neale Hurston, Lorraine Hansberry, Angela Davis, and Maya Angelou. The show has toured three continents, North America including the Caribbean, Africa, and Europe.
Ms. Barnes is an accomplished actor, educator, producer, author and literary retreat proprietor. You may recognize her from her five seasons on ABC’s ROSEANNE, and recent appearances on the current television shows, THE MIDDLE and COLD CASE. Her other television credits include GILMORE GIRLS, ROSWELL, THE AGENCY, FAMILY LAW, CITY OF ANGELS, ANY DAY NOW, SUDDENLY SUSAN, and MAD ABOUT YOU.
Her film credits include MURDER BY NUMBERS where she played opposite SANDRA BULLOCK, and the award-winning ERIN BROCKOVICH where she played opposite JULIA ROBERTS. She also appeared opposite VING RHAMES in the Hallmark movie, LITTLE JOHN. Her list of credits goes on spanning a 40 year period.
In addition, Ms. Barnes has coached many well known actors, including Toni Braxton, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Benjamin Bratt, Kym Whitley and she is listed in THE ACTOR’S GUIDE TO QUALIFIED ACTING COACHES.
She also co-founded the LOS ANGELES WOMEN’S FESTIVAL, and THE WRITER'S WELL, an international literary retreat for women writers that has welcomed guests from as far away as Ghana.
She is a graduate of the University of California, Santa Cruz where she was elected to serve on the Alumni Council for seven years. I am happy to introduce her to you and feature her as my first guest.
It is almost apparent to see just by reading Ms. Barnes list of accomplishments that she has never let fear stop her. For example, I was surprised to learn that as a child she was stricken with petit mal epilepsy. To this day, Ms. Barnes does not know exactly what caused her to have epilepsy which resulted in her having seizures. At the time no one took her to the doctor to find out what caused them. It could have been because of the cost of medical care, a lack of understanding about the severity of the disease, and/or denial. Instead, she was dismissed as, “having fits”.
When I heard her experience I realized that she had to have had some degree of fear during this time in her life. Not knowing where she would be when the seizures might strike or what she might be doing, must have made her feel very vulnerable. But, thankfully, Ms. Barnes was guided to a Physician’s Desk Reference book and was able to self-diagnose her condition. Knowing there was a name for what she was experiencing gave her understanding and made her realize that she was not alone. Other’s too had the disease.
Ultimately, Ms. Barnes was able to overcome her illness and her fear of the unknown through education. With the support of Project Upward Bound in high school, Ms. Barnes was nurtured and guided to the field of theatre and was able to find her true love and purpose which enabled her to become an actor.
Although it may be typical of most young people to start out with big dreams, it’s very seldom that they fulfill them as she has. Through perseverance and hard work, she sends us all a message that we too can prevent fear from hindering us and pursuing our dreams.
Ms. Barnes says, “I am a testament that it is possible to begin as an ashy-kneed little chocolate country girl and to go on to reach some measure of success. My ingredients have included passion, honoring my God-given gifts, faith, and surrounding myself with those who believed in me.”
For more on Ms. Barnes inspirational journey, please visit her book’s website at www.OnMyOwnTerms.net.
My focus today is on eliminating fear. Jesus tells us repeatedly in the Bible, “Fear Not,” and we should not fear anything. God is not the author of fear. Where there is fear, there is no faith. The two cannot exist together.
I find that anger is almost always based on some type of fear. However, fear does not always promote anger, especially if you know how to channel it. I’ve chosen to feature a very special guest who handled her fear positively so it never turned into anger. She overcame her fears through education and hard work, and she never gave up.
Her name is, ADIILAH BARNES. Ms. Barnes agreed to allow me to share an experience she had as a child with you in hopes that it might encourage you, no matter where you are in your life’s journey.
But first to tell you about her,
Ms. Barnes is the author of “ON MY OWN TERMS, ONE ACTOR’S JOURNEY” which was named an ESSENCE MAGAZINE bestseller for 2009. It was also nominated for the 2009 African American Literary Award and the XLIBRIS Publisher’s Author Spotlight.
Ms. Barnes performs in the internationally-toured historical one woman show, “I AM THAT I AM, WOMAN, BLACK”, where she portrays several African American women, Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman, Mary Bethune, Zora Neale Hurston, Lorraine Hansberry, Angela Davis, and Maya Angelou. The show has toured three continents, North America including the Caribbean, Africa, and Europe.
Ms. Barnes is an accomplished actor, educator, producer, author and literary retreat proprietor. You may recognize her from her five seasons on ABC’s ROSEANNE, and recent appearances on the current television shows, THE MIDDLE and COLD CASE. Her other television credits include GILMORE GIRLS, ROSWELL, THE AGENCY, FAMILY LAW, CITY OF ANGELS, ANY DAY NOW, SUDDENLY SUSAN, and MAD ABOUT YOU.
Her film credits include MURDER BY NUMBERS where she played opposite SANDRA BULLOCK, and the award-winning ERIN BROCKOVICH where she played opposite JULIA ROBERTS. She also appeared opposite VING RHAMES in the Hallmark movie, LITTLE JOHN. Her list of credits goes on spanning a 40 year period.
In addition, Ms. Barnes has coached many well known actors, including Toni Braxton, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Benjamin Bratt, Kym Whitley and she is listed in THE ACTOR’S GUIDE TO QUALIFIED ACTING COACHES.
She also co-founded the LOS ANGELES WOMEN’S FESTIVAL, and THE WRITER'S WELL, an international literary retreat for women writers that has welcomed guests from as far away as Ghana.
She is a graduate of the University of California, Santa Cruz where she was elected to serve on the Alumni Council for seven years. I am happy to introduce her to you and feature her as my first guest.
It is almost apparent to see just by reading Ms. Barnes list of accomplishments that she has never let fear stop her. For example, I was surprised to learn that as a child she was stricken with petit mal epilepsy. To this day, Ms. Barnes does not know exactly what caused her to have epilepsy which resulted in her having seizures. At the time no one took her to the doctor to find out what caused them. It could have been because of the cost of medical care, a lack of understanding about the severity of the disease, and/or denial. Instead, she was dismissed as, “having fits”.
When I heard her experience I realized that she had to have had some degree of fear during this time in her life. Not knowing where she would be when the seizures might strike or what she might be doing, must have made her feel very vulnerable. But, thankfully, Ms. Barnes was guided to a Physician’s Desk Reference book and was able to self-diagnose her condition. Knowing there was a name for what she was experiencing gave her understanding and made her realize that she was not alone. Other’s too had the disease.
Ultimately, Ms. Barnes was able to overcome her illness and her fear of the unknown through education. With the support of Project Upward Bound in high school, Ms. Barnes was nurtured and guided to the field of theatre and was able to find her true love and purpose which enabled her to become an actor.
Although it may be typical of most young people to start out with big dreams, it’s very seldom that they fulfill them as she has. Through perseverance and hard work, she sends us all a message that we too can prevent fear from hindering us and pursuing our dreams.
Ms. Barnes says, “I am a testament that it is possible to begin as an ashy-kneed little chocolate country girl and to go on to reach some measure of success. My ingredients have included passion, honoring my God-given gifts, faith, and surrounding myself with those who believed in me.”
For more on Ms. Barnes inspirational journey, please visit her book’s website at www.OnMyOwnTerms.net.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Everybody Gets Angry Not Just Black Women
Dear Followers:
Check out this article I found on the Web. Yes, it’s about anger. Not just black women get angry! You know that. The thing is that often we have been stereotyped as having such a bad attitude that nobody wants to deal with us.
I started this blog to try and help live that down through awareness. I’ve asked women to come on here and talk about how they have overcome diversity and not just gotten angry about things. If you read the article it will tell you that those that are getting angry the most are WOMEN!! That’s because we’re emotional and well some other reasons but I’ll save those for future posts.
It’s kind of funny how people have used this notion that we (black women) are so angry. We’re no angrier than anybody else. The thing is that no body can deal with our anger because they know deep down inside, we have every right to be upset.
That’s what I want you to remember, DON’T LET THEM OFF THE HOOK. When we show anger, with a gyrating neck and an attitude, it let’s everybody who could straighten up have an excuse not to. I say don’t give them that. You can be as upset about things as you want to be but don’t let them see you sweat, smile. And for heaven’s sake Never, I mean Never, let them hear you curse.
Stay tuned I’ve got more on how to do this, and I’ve got help from other women. And by all means please comment.
Okay so here's the article...
Anger is more likely among the young, those with children at home, and the less educated, a new study finds.
A national survey of 1,800 Americans aged 18 and older questioned participants on how and when they feel angry
in order to build "a broader social portrait of anger in the United States," said study researcher Scott Schieman,
now at the University of Toronto. These angry emotions range from mild annoyance to yelling and feelings of outrage.
While anger is a normal human emotion, it could be detrimental if you hold on to it too long. And those who express their anger might actually live longer than those who keep it bottled in, one study found.
The results of the survey, conducted in 2005 and to be published next year, showed several key connections to anger.
For one, people under 30 experienced anger of all forms or intensities more frequently than did older adults.
This was mainly due to the fact that young people are more likely to be affected by three core stressors that can trigger
angry feelings, Schieman said:
• Time pressures
• Economic hardship
• Interpersonal conflict at the workplace
Time pressures had the strongest link to anger, especially low-grade versions termed "feelings of annoyance," the study found.
Those who were under financial strain tended to report higher levels of anger, a connection that could be particularly important
in today's flagging economy, Schieman noted. The financial influence tended to be stronger among women and younger adults.
Having children was also associated with angry feelings and behaviors, such as yelling, particularly in women, the survey found.
"There's obviously a lot of joys and benefits that come with parenthood," but other aspects of parenting, such as having to
discipline a misbehaving child, can cause feelings of anger and annoyance, Schieman said.
Those with fewer years of education were also more likely to report feelings of anger and were less likely to respond proactively
in a situation that made them angry (for example, talking about what made them angry).
"It underscores the power of getting more education," Schieman said. Education has been linked to feeling more self-control,
which could be why those with more education tend to manage their anger more proactively, he told LiveScience.
Schieman's findings will be detailed in a chapter of the forthcoming International Handbook of Anger, to be released in January 2010.
• The Happiest States in America
• 7 Thoughts That Are Bad For You
• 10 Easy Paths to Self Destruction
• Original Story: Study Reveals the Angriest Americans
LiveScience.com chronicles the daily advances and innovations made in science and technology..
Check out this article I found on the Web. Yes, it’s about anger. Not just black women get angry! You know that. The thing is that often we have been stereotyped as having such a bad attitude that nobody wants to deal with us.
I started this blog to try and help live that down through awareness. I’ve asked women to come on here and talk about how they have overcome diversity and not just gotten angry about things. If you read the article it will tell you that those that are getting angry the most are WOMEN!! That’s because we’re emotional and well some other reasons but I’ll save those for future posts.
It’s kind of funny how people have used this notion that we (black women) are so angry. We’re no angrier than anybody else. The thing is that no body can deal with our anger because they know deep down inside, we have every right to be upset.
That’s what I want you to remember, DON’T LET THEM OFF THE HOOK. When we show anger, with a gyrating neck and an attitude, it let’s everybody who could straighten up have an excuse not to. I say don’t give them that. You can be as upset about things as you want to be but don’t let them see you sweat, smile. And for heaven’s sake Never, I mean Never, let them hear you curse.
Stay tuned I’ve got more on how to do this, and I’ve got help from other women. And by all means please comment.
Okay so here's the article...
Anger is more likely among the young, those with children at home, and the less educated, a new study finds.
A national survey of 1,800 Americans aged 18 and older questioned participants on how and when they feel angry
in order to build "a broader social portrait of anger in the United States," said study researcher Scott Schieman,
now at the University of Toronto. These angry emotions range from mild annoyance to yelling and feelings of outrage.
While anger is a normal human emotion, it could be detrimental if you hold on to it too long. And those who express their anger might actually live longer than those who keep it bottled in, one study found.
The results of the survey, conducted in 2005 and to be published next year, showed several key connections to anger.
For one, people under 30 experienced anger of all forms or intensities more frequently than did older adults.
This was mainly due to the fact that young people are more likely to be affected by three core stressors that can trigger
angry feelings, Schieman said:
• Time pressures
• Economic hardship
• Interpersonal conflict at the workplace
Time pressures had the strongest link to anger, especially low-grade versions termed "feelings of annoyance," the study found.
Those who were under financial strain tended to report higher levels of anger, a connection that could be particularly important
in today's flagging economy, Schieman noted. The financial influence tended to be stronger among women and younger adults.
Having children was also associated with angry feelings and behaviors, such as yelling, particularly in women, the survey found.
"There's obviously a lot of joys and benefits that come with parenthood," but other aspects of parenting, such as having to
discipline a misbehaving child, can cause feelings of anger and annoyance, Schieman said.
Those with fewer years of education were also more likely to report feelings of anger and were less likely to respond proactively
in a situation that made them angry (for example, talking about what made them angry).
"It underscores the power of getting more education," Schieman said. Education has been linked to feeling more self-control,
which could be why those with more education tend to manage their anger more proactively, he told LiveScience.
Schieman's findings will be detailed in a chapter of the forthcoming International Handbook of Anger, to be released in January 2010.
• The Happiest States in America
• 7 Thoughts That Are Bad For You
• 10 Easy Paths to Self Destruction
• Original Story: Study Reveals the Angriest Americans
LiveScience.com chronicles the daily advances and innovations made in science and technology..
Friday, November 27, 2009
WHY THIS TITLE FOR MY BLOG
How Not to Be an Angry Black Woman is a blog based on scriptures from the Holy Bible, Luke 22:31&32
...And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold Satan has desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat.
But I have prayed for you that your faith fail not, and when you are converted you strengthen your brother.
This is a blog for women looking to learn how to better their lives through positive example. In here you will be able to read about women who have written books, articles, columns, and or blogs to further their point of view. Their writings help to show how they love others and maintain peace.
Some of them may have had hurdles to overcome in order to get where they are today and without valuable tools would not have made it. They will share with you how God and the Holy Spirit led them and how they had to learn to listen to His still, quiet voice within, to know which way to go, and what to do once they got there.
Thank you for visiting and may God continue to bless and guide you.
...And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold Satan has desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat.
But I have prayed for you that your faith fail not, and when you are converted you strengthen your brother.
This is a blog for women looking to learn how to better their lives through positive example. In here you will be able to read about women who have written books, articles, columns, and or blogs to further their point of view. Their writings help to show how they love others and maintain peace.
Some of them may have had hurdles to overcome in order to get where they are today and without valuable tools would not have made it. They will share with you how God and the Holy Spirit led them and how they had to learn to listen to His still, quiet voice within, to know which way to go, and what to do once they got there.
Thank you for visiting and may God continue to bless and guide you.
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